Friday, January 29, 2010

Cleveland Jewish News

I read a very interesting article about divorce and Grandparenting. As a grandparent that is going through a divorce, the support of family is important for anyone facing this challenge. Please enjoy the following:

Thursday, January 28, 2010

4 Hour Work Week

Divorce is a funny creature. When you first meet the person of your dreams, and you’ve got your rose colored glasses on, it’s like your perception is off and you allow this person leeways that you probably wouldn’t afford to others. Timothy Ferris talks about the 80/20 rule, I have used this rule before in business, but now, I am applying these same techniques to assess what happened in my marriage/divorce, or maybe justify what happened. I have heard it said before that failure is never failure if you learn from it and use those lessons when you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the race.

I am going to quote directly, (Timothy, I hope that ok with you)from Timothy Ferris' book - The 4 Hour Work Week.

“Who are the 20% of the people that produce 80% of your enjoyment and propel you forward and which 20% cause you 80% of your depression, anger and second-guessing?”
“Exact numbers aren’t needed to realize that we spend too much time with those who poison us with pessimism, sloth, and low expectations of themselves and the world. It is often the case that you have to fire certain friends or retire from particular social circles to have the life you want. This isn’t being mean; it is being practical. Poisonous people do not deserve your time. To think otherwise is masochistic.”

So when first in love, you look at your spouse with the rose-colored glasses and see things in them that are, perhaps figments or fragments of qualities that you are looking for in a partner. Time goes by and maybe you grow in different directions and are now no longer suitable for each other. Grown apart, if you will – so why prolong the agony.

I'm all for staying married. I enjoyed married life and having someone to share my life with, however when I look back and analyze the picture with the 80/20 rule, I realize that I did the right thing. If you are contemplating divorce, I really urge you to exercise all the options you can to keep the marriage together, but if your spouse falls into the category of the "20% that cause you 80% of all your depression, anger,and second guessing" - guess what time it is??

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What Type of Divorce Lawyer Should You Get??

What type of Divorce Lawyer should you hire for your divorce?

I read an interesting blog post recently by Constance Camus, a trial lawyer in Maryland. According to her article, there are a couple of different types of divorce lawyers and having been through the experience myself....I agree with her.

This is the Lamb Lawyer. A Lamb Lawyer doesn't want to rock the boat. A Lamb Lawyer doesn't want to have to go to court and defend their client. A Lamb Lawyer will try to convince a client to sign a deal that might be detrimental just so the Lamb Lawyer doesn't have to try the case.

By comparison is the Pit Bull Lawyer. Picture the other end of the spectrum, a Pit Bull Lawyer is more aggressive than what is needed by the client for the case. A Pit Bull Lawyer will take on a case and go for the juggler just for the sake of kicking someone's ass. When a spouse is bitter and angry over the circumstances of the divorce, they will typically ask around and find the lawyer with the most extreme reputation in town. Usually the Pit Bull Lawyer is overkill with aggression. There's a big difference between "aggressive" and "assertive".

Finally, the Fox Lawyer. Assertive, Cunning and maybe even conniving. Assertive when needed and able to compromise when negotiations are in order. Always aware of the bigger picture and how it will impact the clients best interests. A strong negotiator and advocate for the client, not afraid to present the case in trial, to a judge, but knowing that the faster, cheaper route is to usually settle.

It's up to you to chose your style of legal representation, The Lamb, the Pit Bull and
the Fox.