In finishing up my divorce and having a burning desire to help others through this process, I am reading, “The 4 Hour Work Week” – the expanded and updated version. I wanted to read this book to help me with the Divorce Educator and help refine the Educator series. But I got hit upside the head with a nugget of information that I think would help people that are considering divorce.
Divorce is a funny creature. When you first meet the person of your dreams, and you’ve got your rose colored glasses on, it’s like your perception is off and you allow this person leeways that you probably wouldn’t afford to others. Timothy Ferris talks about the 80/20 rule, I have used this rule before in business, but now, I am applying these same techniques to assess what happened in my marriage/divorce, or maybe justify what happened. I have heard it said before that failure is never failure if you learn from it and use those lessons when you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the race.
I am going to quote directly, (Timothy, I hope that ok with you).
“Who are the 20% of the people that produce 80% of your enjoyment and propel you forward and which 20% cause you 80% of your depression, anger and second-guessing?”
“Exact numbers aren’t needed to realize that we spend too much time with those who poison us with pessimism, sloth, and low expectations of themselves and the world. It is often the case that you have to fire certain friends or retire from particular social circles to have the life you want. This isn’t being mean; it is being practical. Poisonous people do not deserve your time. To think otherwise is masochistic.”
So when first in love, you look at your spouse with the rose-colored glasses and see things in them that are perhaps figments of the qualities that you are looking for in a partner. Time goes by and maybe you grow in different directions and are now no longer suitable for each other. Grown apart if your will – so why prolong the agony.
Use the 80/20 rule, if your spouse falls into the 20% of the people that cause you 80% of your depression, anger and second-guessing, then guess what???